Eight

So he won his eight medals. Can we stop talking about him now? How much can you cram him down my throat? And really? Is he the "greatest" athlete of all time? What about anyone in gymnastics who have to train on the floor and on the rings and on the horse ect. I'm generally more impressed by anyone who gets a gold in all around gymnastics than swimming. Heck I'd be more impressed if he won a medal in ping pong. You're like two feet away from your opponent trying to hit a tiny ball flying at you at great speeds trying to read your opponent blah blah. Or even if he won a medal in any other event besides swimming. I get it. He's a good swimmer. I expect him to win medals in swimming.
Do we really need to call him the greatest? How do we know there isn't a better swimmer who doesn't have the opprotunity that he did. How do we know that a shaolin monk who has been training his body all his life, but could care less about the Olympics isn't a better athlete?
By the way, let's stop talking about Tiger Woods while we're at it too.

The world just spins along...
Mattbert

Ask Mattbert 8/9/08

Q: Do you wear boxers or briefs?

A: I wear both... Simultaneously... With a thong.


The world just spins along...
Mattbert

Warped Tour 08

Morning everybody. Sorry for the lack of updates, but I've been busy. And when I write "busy" I really mean I'm not actually busy, but lack any energy to do anything productive with my life.

But anyway, on to the real reason for this entry. On Wednesday I went to the Warped Tour as part of Spot Jackie Chan. I went with my lovely friend Lambert (pictured below) and her friend Ashley.Had an awesome time although I got rained on. I met a lot of old fans which is awesome and made some new ones too. It's too bad I had to leave a little early because there were some people who wanted to meet me that didn't. I guess there is always next year and whatever is in between. If you didn't meet me and wanted to and are reading this contact me and maybe if you can convince me I'll show up to a concert of your chosing. And sorry to anyone that was calling me. I'm pretty oblivous to my surroundings and kind of death. Add that to the fact I had no energy and I'm surprised I hadn't completly ignored everyone by accident.

Another thing I got to do was pass out a lot of copies of my book (Really wish I got to do the Matbert Show DVD) AND at least one person e-mailed me to let me know he read it (I imagine all the other copies are in the trash) AND he is actually pretty much the only one to ever send in a picture. (You know who you are (Again Pictured Below)) So to him Giant Enemy Crab Salute to you kind Sir or Madaam.

Got to see the two bands I really wanted to see which were Ore Ska Band and Reel Big Fish and they fucking rocked. I even got the autographs from OSB. And of course met a lot of cute girls whom I can only guess were all underage.

I think the only downside was that I didn't spend that much time at Truth, mainly because the MC guy there was annoying in my opinion. I wanted to stab him in the face. But I do want to stab most people in the face so that's not fair to say.

Anyway, I think I might be adding a couple more post next week to make up for lost time. Oh, don't forget to check out SpotJackieChan.com to see the pics you coxswains.

The world just spins along...

Mattbert

My favorite picture!

I need more allowance!

So it's almost about a month from my first wedding photoshoot. Also, I spent 1200 dollars on my camera so I have no money. I can't wait for it to arrive on Monday. Got my check for the government. Here's a picture of me and Maryellen connecting...

Also, it's good to note that in a couple of weeks I'm going to Warped Tour. Hopefully I won't die there. And one more good note: In Diablo 3 your character wears pants.... Just another article of clothing my character will be wearing that I won't.

Weekend Report

So.... pretty good weekend. I went to Providence to see Less Than Jake and Goldfinger. Awesome show. There is a video on my YouTube account of me crowd surfing and me on stage. Also, on a related note, I went there as "Jackie Chan" so there is a page for that on SpotJackieChan.com and I got to meet a very friendly and very cute girl named Jessica whom I'll probably never see again.
I bought a new camera. The Canon 40D and I'm just waiting for it to come in the mail. Very excited. Maybe that means I'll be posting newer pictographs soon.
Also, Diablo 3 was finally announced after 8 years. It'll probably take another few years before it is out though, but I'm glad to hear they are working on it.
There's kind of a lot I want to say right now I just really don't feel like typing it out.

The world just spins along...
Mattbert

Remaster 1 "I was told semicolons were dead..."

So I decided since I have my new camera which I am returning for an even newer camera I'd go back and "remaster" some of my old pictographs. Here was one of my favorites. To seeit larger and to do it more justice click HERE!!!! And to answer the most common question about this picture: Yes this is my house.

The world; It just spins along...
Mattbert

Cannon

Just something to remind myself.

"4) Have you ever been given a rose?
yes, and sadly, i just left it at work and let it wilt. im not very nice."

The world just spins along...
Mattbert

What a Wicked Gang Are We

When I look back, that's when I see everything was wrong and you looked sad. That's when I said I'd write you this song. Everybody's got their reasons, everybody's got their ghosts to fear. When I look back all I see is that I've done something wrong.

What a tangled web we weave. Everyone is the one until the one falls down then they're all just, "please please please." The painted rust will only fool the fools for just so long....

The world just spins along...
Mattbert

My favorite number...

My favorite number has always been two. I've always been a fan of even numbers and symmetry (IE I eat cookies and slieces of pizzas in pairs, I own an even amount of shirts and pants at any point in time, when ordering things at work I'll always try and order and even amount regardless of whether I need the extra one or not.)
Another reason I enjoy the number two is because it is the only even number that is also a prime number making it the oddest even. Kind of fitting for me I guess.... (Also interesting to note that 2 and 3 are the only consecutive prime numbers.)

The world just spins along...
Mattbert

How it went...?

So Sunday I did my first job as a pictographer. It was interesting. Didn't really know what to do especially since I felt most of the people didn't want me to take their pictures. It was a pretty tough job since most of my pictures I take are outside in the light and this place was wicked dark. Add to the fact that my lens at the lowest can only go to f/3.5 when zoomed completly out. I had to go to ISO 1600, which I really didn't want to do, but didn't really have much a choice. It was raining most of the day too so I didn't get to spend as much time outside on the golf course as I wanted to but I did get some nice shots and got to hang out with a family of ducks. I guess overall it was good to get the experience and overall nice to know I still suck as a pictographer. Oh well... I guess...

The world just spins along...
Mattbert

My First Pictograph Job

Good morning,

So today was a pretty interesting day. Went to visit a friend... then went to a party... then went back to pick up said friend from work and brought her home.... Went home fell asleep and now I'm writing this entry............ FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE!!!!! Or something like that.

One of my friends wrote a new Mattbert Short and maybe I'll get around to shooting it next week. I really like it. Most of the time when people give me ideas I hate them. It happens quite a bit actually and I wish it wouldn't.

Another exciting thing is I bought a new camera. A digital SLR. The Canon XTi. Although, I think I'll return it and get the one I originally wanted. The reason I bought it was because I was hired to take pictures for a golf course. They're having a father''s day event and want me to take a bunch of candids. It's time like these that I realize that I don't know what I am doing at all and I should really get some training or schooling in this. I'm completely unconfident in any of my photography "skill" right now and I think I want to die more than usual at the moment. Oh well though... as I always say............

The world just spins along...
Mattbert

Bill O'Reilly Mattbert Short

Morning everyone,

So, there is another Mattbert Short up. I made two different versions, one with a soundless ending and one with credit music. It was only supposed to be a small skit in an upcoming episode but we decided to keep going on with it and it ended up as a short. I like the way it turned out. Probably my second favorite thing I filmed after the yoyo montage. You can tell at one point I'm trying not to laugh. Anyway here are the links:

Bill O'Reilly Flips Out

Mattbert Short: Mattbert Flips Out

Mattbert Short: Mattbert Flips Out (Credit Music)

The world just spins along...

Meltdown...

I am just a man... I do the things I can... There is capacity for I am human.........

The First Mattbert Short...

Well, here it is! The first ever Mattbert Short is up and can be viewed here...

Also, we made another short that will appear on Saturday so check that out when it comes out. Of course there will be a entry in the blog for it. Anyway, something something something run, something something something sun.

The world just spins along...

The Return of The Snowglobe of Discontent

Good morning everyone! So tomorrow I'm heading out to film with Jason and Adam if all goes according to plan. Speaking of which I made a teaser for the fourth episode of Mattbert Show which you can find by clicking here...

^Snowglobe of Discontent: Remastered^

I feel kind of spent from this week. Kind of wish I could sit still and relax, but that isn't going to happen anytime soon I think. Also, I'm adding a new event to Spot Jackie Chan soon. Blah blah blah...

She doesn't like me...

Colorless Sky

(Not quite as eleqouent as I had envisioned the video to be but oh well.)

So for those of you that haven't heard, Alex is leaving us for a little while. Apparently, he's become somewhat of a marine and is shipping off shortly. (At least one of us is doing something with their life) But what exactly does this mean for Mattbert Show you may be thinking. Well, that's kind of a tough question for me.

I can't say I never thought about Mattbert Show without Alex because when I first conceived it in my head, he wasn't apart of it and it was totally different from what it is now. I can say though, once I took him aboard to help me I haven't really imagined doing an episode without him in it. After a lot of thinking I've decided we (Me Jason and Adam) will be continuing to make shorts and full episodes of Mattbert Show. I don't know why I say this as if Alex will never come back, because so far he's only going to be away for three or four months, but it's still a little weird for me. Anyway, here's the real reason for this post:

Mattbert's Goodbye to Alex:

Sorry I couldn't do this to your face, but you know how I am about this kind of stuff. Plus, I'm infinitely better at putting my thoughts down into written word than speech. First off, sorry if I seemed kind of distant today. I really did enjoy spending as much time as I did with you the last two days, just that today I had a lot to think about. Not to mention the well-known fact I'm anti-social unless I have security blankets such as Laura and Jon around. And you guys were having enough fun without me anyway you didn't really need the fifth wheel.

I don't really know how we ever became friends. We are both shy at first sight and even though we worked together, never really planned to do anything outside of talking about not wanting to be at Best Buy while actually working on their salesfloor, but then I left and we became good friends somehow. You've offered me a lot these past few years such as new friends I don't mind being around sometimes, memories, ideas, encouragement and the list goes on.

I have always tried my best to be there for everyone, especially my friends, whether I wanted to or not, no matter what and I think that's something you've figured out about me pretty quickly. But even though I offer my assistance, it's mostly declined and the rare times people trust me to help them, I'm such a screw-up I tend to mess things up. The reason I am mentioning this is because I want you to know one reason I try to help everyone out is because usually no one else wants to. This path you've chosen in life will mean that you are going to be helping a lot of people out and I'm really proud of you for that. Remember, you're not a loser like me. You actually have the potential to help a lot of people and do a lot of good during and after you've come back from this experience.

Annnnnnyway, that's all I can write now in my sleep deprived state. Good luck and I'll see you later kid.

The world just spins along...

The Website Is Up

I finally setup the Spot Jackie Chan website. It only took one year to make and no one offered to help so fuck you guys. I'll see you in hell. Also this week I saw Indiana Jones 4. Wasn't that great, but it wasn't awful. It certainly didn't feel like an Indy movie, but they said they weren't going for the movie serial feel, but more of a 1950's B-Movie thing. Anyway, I give it a good 6 squares out of ten.

The world just spins along...

A Day Late

So I'm a day late posting, but I was busy yesterday. Sleeping and such. Anyway, yesterday I went to Boston as Speed Racer. Came to the realization he dresses pretty gay and that I still hate most people.

Added another project to my list of things I need to do. My friend the comic book illustrator wants me to write a story so he can draw it out. I'm pretty excited about it. So that means all I have to do is pump out three episodes and two of Mattbert Show (Providing I can find someone to "act" in them with me) my movie and pretty much a full story arc of a comic book. Awesome. Either way it's coming all together pretty well besides my lack of people willing to film with me.

It's been so long since I shot a womp rat.

And to close out this entry, a video of me and my favorite person in the world, whom I got to see 2 days in a row(Record + Awesome):

Quick Update

Nothing much to report this week besides the fact that Maryellen actively ignores me. Pretty much like most women do. Just kidding! Haha most... more like all WOOT WOOOOOOOT.

Also, I just got my tickets to Warped Tour, meaning there will be a Spot Jackie Chan event. (If you're on Facebook there will be an event thing or something like that) I guess I'm going with Miss Cannon whatever that means (nothing). I think maybe she's trying to get closer to me in an attempt to kill me. It's happened before. (Tip of the Week: Always do a background check on all your friends. You never know who's a spy working to kill you. Or just a regular person that wants to kill you for fun, who knows.)

Next week heading to Boston to hunt some ghost so until then...

The world just spins along...

The Movie...

Usuaully I'm pretty bad at keeping these things updated (Case in point: Every single website I've ever made.) but I'll try to update this once a week. If I don't have anything written during the week something will be up on Saturday.

Anyway, I guess I've decided to write a movie. Before you ask, no, it's not going to be Mattbert Show Movie. That's not to say there won't be a Mattbert Show movie. I've actually been thinking about making a Mattbert Show movie for a while now, but I'll save that idea for later. Anyway, back to the subject.

The movie probably won't be out for a while. I have some ideas of what I want to the movie to be, how it starts, how it ends, some things I want in it and even some ideas for plot, but other than that it's still in early planning stages. Also, I wanted to have a girl in the movie so the fact that I'll probably never find a girl who wants to spend that much time with me is going to set the movie back a little while(I project about 54 years).

This project has got me really excited. I've actually even thought about selling my old camera and upgrading to a new one maybe. Anyway, I'll keep you guys posted.

The world just spins along...

Future Episodes of Mattbert Show

So as some of you know I have a show on YouTube called Mattbert Show. (My favorite episode is episode two.) I'm glad to announce to you that, after working non-stop and several weekends of writing streams of consciousness. I've written 3 episodes and two shorts for it.

There's one episode I'm particularly looking forward to. It's going to be a behind the scenes episode and you'll get to see us screw up everything (not much a difference from us getting it "right" on the edited show) and you'll hear us talk about cool little facts about the show like the origin of the show and the femur.

Anyway, I have aaaaaaaaa shitload of work to do to meet this imaginary deadline I have written in my head. After I put out all of the episodes I want to start making Mattbert Show DVDs and handing out to spread the word and increase popularity and I figure a good place to do so is at The Warped Tour, which is on the 23rd of July. So I plan on having it done before then so I have enough time to me a good amount of copies. Anyway, that's all I have going on. It'll probably take two or three days to film (we only get together to film on Sundays so probably no longer than a month) and then a week or two to edit it all if it can hold my attention. Then a week to make several copies to give away and then I can die shortly after.

-The world just spins along...

My Glass Cannon

Well, here it is. The first entry of Mattbert Blog. I thought since this is my first entry of my personal blog I'd write about something special. Actually, I should say someONE special.

I work at this retail store called Square One Electronics. Just like any other retail job it's a lot more annoying than it is fun. Also, my particular store has quite a few douchebags, just like in real life, but there are a few cool people around such as Orion Carroll and John Largent. And then there's my boss... let's just say it's an understatement to describe our relationship as complicated, but we love each other. Or rather I love her and for some reason she wants me dead.

There's this one girl who has somewhat of a special place in my heart(What little of a heart I have). I like to think of her as My Glass Cannon. Fragile, but she has a lot of power behind her. I don't really know why I call her My Glass Cannon, because I don't own her nor do I know her well enough to say that is a accurate description of her.

Annnnnnnyway, she's very pretty and adorable (I want to hug her every time I see her) but she'll deny it if you told her, which kind of annoys me. She's alway's nice to me. Just the other day she was telling me how much she liked my book, which is nice because I usually think hates me... um... I mean it. On the outside she seems to be very cheerful and happy, but according to the things she writes on those things... well, maybe she could have a happier life. It makes me feel bad sometimes because I think she deserves to be happy all the time and so I'll make it my personal mission to do that and make her laugh as much as I can, which probably isn't that much. (Miss Cannon, if you need somewhere to go, I'll be listening when you call and I'll be there if you fall off. If you need someone to believe in you I'll let you know I will. [bleh])

I got to talk to her again today and I guess we might go see Iron Man this weekend although knowing my luck, this probably won't happen, but I guess it can't be helped. I really wanted to say something to her today, but her real friends came and she stopped paying attention to me. (Nothing new here. I really can't tell you how many times I have to myself because no one pays attention or listen to me. It's kind of understandable though. There's nothing I need to defend cause there's nothing great about me. [I guarentee you I'll get a text tonight from My Cannon telling me not to be hard on myself and none of this is true or something of the sort]) I still can't remember what I was going to tell her, but if I remember please tell me so I'll know.

I hope one day she can appear in Mattbert Show. Speaking of which, Mattbert Ink is working on three full episodes and two shorts. Or is it two full episodes and three shorts? Anyway, I started making DVDs of the current episodes to pass out to get the show more popular so if you see me around, ask me for a copy, because most likely I won't have one on me and you'll have wasted both our time. Good job on that. Anyway, off to the thing that I'll be going off too..... masterbation...

(By the way my favorite episode of Mattbert Show:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiMi1lnEHXk )

-The world just spins along...